Autistic Social Differences
- May 21
- 7 min read
Autistic people frequently encounter social differences due to variations in their communication styles, perception of social cues, and approach to social interactions. These differences may lead to difficulties in comprehending neurotypicals and their use of sarcasm, interpreting body language, or participating in reciprocal conversations.
Social communication measures typically rely on non-autistic (neurotypical) social norms, which presume that traditional styles of conversation, social interactions, turn-taking, and friendships are the sole valid forms of interaction.
Traditionally, Autistic communication styles have been framed as deficits with therapies aiming to reduce or remediate traits. However, this framing has often failed to consider the impact of co-occurring communication differences or the shared mismatch between Autistic and non-Autistic communication (Gaddy & Crow, 2023; Milton, 2012).
Here's a more detailed look at some common autistic social differences:
1. COMMUNICATION STYLE
Autistic individuals may have different communication styles, including variations in speech patterns, use of nonverbal cues, and understanding of language.
Some may struggle with understanding or using abstract language, humor, or sarcasm.
They might also have difficulty with turn-taking in conversations.
Autistic people use non-verbal communication differently. Their minimal use of eye contact might be helping them to manage sensory input and focus on what you are saying. However, this can be misinterpreted as not listening or not being interested.
Preference for direct, concise communication. This can make it difficult for autistic people to understand hints, implied meaning and assumptions, as this is not the way that they communicate.
Preference for fact-focused communication. This can cause autistic people to be perceived as “brutally honest” or “having no filter”. Autistic people may prefer to avoid speculation or gossip.
2. SOCIAL INTERACTIONS
Autistic individuals may have difficulty initiating or responding to social interactions, building relationships, or understanding social norms.
They may have a harder time understanding social cues, like facial expressions or body language, which can lead to misinterpretations or social misunderstandings.
Some may have sensory sensitivities that make certain social situations overwhelming, such as busy environments or loud noises, which can impact their ability to engage in social activities.
Autistic people may have sensory needs which make it difficult to focus on a conversation. For example, difficulty processing background noise, bright lights, busy environments. Sensory differences can make typical social situations – such as soft play, friends’ parties, break times, the dinner hall – too overwhelming to join in.
Autistic individuals may also have a strong need for routine and predictability, which can make them anxious or overwhelmed in unstructured social settings.
Prefer conversation to be slower-paced, so that they have more time to process what is being said, this may be due to language processing differences. They may find socializing in groups difficult, as a result of this.
Some autistic people prefer online friendships through social media or gaming.
3. UNDERSTANDING SOCIAL RULES & CUES
Autistic individuals may struggle with understanding social rules, like personal space or greetings, or with taking another person's perspective.
They may not understand the emotional or social consequences of their actions.
Some may have difficulty with empathy or understanding the feelings of others. This is called "low social imagination", where it is hard to intuit and "read" other people's non-verbal cues.
For most neurotypical people, basic social skills (e.g., turn taking, initiating conversation) are acquired quickly and easily. For autistic people, the process is much more difficult. Whereas, many children learn these basic skills simply by exposure to social situations, autistic children often need to be taught skills explicitly.
4. MASKING & SOCIAL ANXIETY
Some autistic individuals may engage in "masking," which involves adapting their behavior, language, or body language to fit in with social expectations.
Masking can be a way to cope with social anxiety or to navigate social situations, but it can also be exhausting and stressful.
Masking can also lead to a lack of authenticity in social interactions.
5. SPECIAL INTERESTS (SPINS)
Autistic individuals often have intense special interests (SPINS) in specific topics or subjects, which can be a source of strength and motivation and a way to connect with others through shared interests.
These interests can sometimes lead to a focus on those specific topics in social interactions, which may limit engagement in other areas.
Some autistic individuals may prefer to engage in activities they enjoy alongside a friend, even if they are not actively communicating with each other, similar to "parallel play".
Preference for talking about their special interests. Autistic people are more likely to talk at length, and take longer conversational turns than a non-autistic person, when talking about the things they are passionate about. The autistic community call this ‘info dumping’. Autistic people are more likely to connect with others over a shared interest. They may avoid ‘small talk’ as a result.
6. CO-OCCURING SPEECH & LANGUAGE PROCESSING DIFFERENCES
Within the autistic community, an estimated one-third of Autistic children are minimally speaking (Brignell et al., 2018; Tager-Flusberg & Kasari, 2013).
Some autistic individuals are non-speaking, in that they may not use oral speech at all. Non-speaking autistic individuals prefer this term over ‘non-verbal’ as the latter implies that they have no expressive language skills.
Other autistic people may have some oral speech, but it may not match their intended meaning or preferences.
Some autistic individuals may be able to speak in some situations, but not all the time.
Some autistic people may have oral speech, but it may not fully meet their daily communication needs (Donaldson et al., 2021; Zisk & Dalton, 2019). For instance, an Autistic person may be able to use oral speech with familiar people but may struggle to access speech in moments of distress or when describing feelings.
Research suggests that there is significant variation regarding expressive language (the ability to communicate thoughts using words and other strategies) and receptive language development in the Autistic community (Pickles et al., 2014).
Co-occurring communication differences appear to be more common in the Autistic population.
An example of such a difference that is commonly reported in Autistic people is echolalia, also known as gestalts.
This means that Autistic people may repeat spoken language in the form of scripts, vocal patterns, songs, and lines from television shows (Blanc et al., 2023). These may be repeated straight away (immediate) or at a later time (delayed).
In gestalt language processors, language development occurs by breaking down the gestalts, or chunks, into single units.
In contrast, most non-autistic people follow analytical language development, wherein communication starts at the single-word level and progresses to sentences.
Differences in vocal tone, rate, volume, and pitch appear to be more frequent in Autistic people (Loveall et al., 2021).
Autistic people may sound more monotonous than typical speakers or have unusual pitch variations and stress levels.
An Autistic person may speak at a louder volume than is typically accepted in a particular environment.
Speech dysfluencies also seem to occur often in Autistic individuals, such as stuttering and cluttering.
Stuttering occurs during speech and may present as repeated syllables or words, prolonged sounds or lack of movement, or behaviors that do not match the person’s intended meaning such as grimacing.
Cluttering is characterized by an irregular speech rate, with the person sounding like they are speaking rapidly. People who clutter may also say words that do not match their intent (Briley & Ellis, 2018; Pirinen et al., 2023).
This may manifest in the form of incomplete sentences, multiple revisions of phrases or sentences (e.g. “Yesterday I did shopping at Cole… or was it Woolworths… hmm”), or word substitutions.
People who clutter have also described feeling like they do not have sufficient time to communicate their thoughts (Too Fast for Words, n.d.).
Apraxia, also known as developmental coordination disorder, appears to be more prevalent in the Autistic community (Micai et al., 2023). This condition is neurodevelopmental and impacts a person’s motor skills (DCD Australia, n.d.).
This co-occurring condition can impact Autistics in a range of areas, but importantly Autistic advocates with apraxia have described its impacts on the ability to accurately produce speech, organize thoughts, and recognize emotions (Emma, 2022).
7. PEACE IN SOLITUDE
Some autistic people prefer to spend time alone. It could be important for their sensory regulation. Interacting with non-autistic people who communicate differently, in an environment which is often overwhelming, can be exhausting! This can lead to meltdowns if their sensory needs are not met.
Do not mistake solitude with loneliness, or even loneliness with sadness. Many autistic people find great joy, peace and comfort in the stillness of solitude, in their rich inner thought life and their deep connection with nature.
Loneliness
I never know what people mean
when they complain of loneliness.
To be alone is one of life’s greatest delights,
thinking one’s own thoughts,
doing one’s own little jobs,
seeing the world beyond
and feeling oneself uninterrupted
in the rooted connection
with the centre
of all things.
- D.H. Lawrence
NORMALIZING & AFFIRMING AUTISTIC SOCIAL DIFFERENCES
The goal is not to make someone behave ‘less autistic’, but to give them the social knowledge to interact with a range of people in a range of situations with more confidence.
How can you affirm autistic communication styles?
Ask us about our preferred ways of communicating.
Get to know us by learning about our interests.
Discuss Autistic and non-Autistic communication styles in a neutral way.
Practice social humility and ask us before assuming our intent.
Understand that Autistic people all have different social goals, motivators, and preferences.
Be aware of adaptive morphing (social masking) and the fact that appearing calm is not the same as being calm.
Respect our chosen methods of communication and the fact that this may change depending on the situation.
Give us time to process, respond, and contribute to conversations.
Accept autistic communication and social interaction differences.
Adapt the environment to make interaction easier. For example, reducing background noise.
Support mutual misunderstandings and the "Double Empathy Problem" to explore everyone’s perspective.
Explain typical social conventions, norms and rules as they apply to a specific environment, using a visual approach such as ‘Social Stories’.
Support language skills, such as comprehension monitoring, inference, non-literal language, and social problem-solving language.
Create opportunities for autistic children and young people to socialize together, or make friends through their special interests and find their neuro-tribe.
Provide a safe space for "sensory breaks" like quiet time and/ or sensory regulation, especially during unstructured times at social gatherings.
CONCLUSION
It's important to remember that autistic individuals are a diverse group, and their experiences with social interaction can vary widely.
Some may be very social and enjoy interacting with others, while others may prefer more solitary activities and may need a lot of alone time to be happy and engage with their special interests that spark joy!
SOURCES
Farnworth, V. (2025, February 27). Autistic Communication Differences: A primer - Reframing autism. Reframing Autism. https://reframingautism.org.au/autistic- communication-differences-a-primer/
National Autistic Society. (n.d.). What is autism. https://www.autism.org.uk/advice-and- guidance/what-is-autism
Professional, C. C. M. (2025, May 13). Autism. Cleveland Clinic. https://my.clevelandclinic.org/health/articles/autism
Understanding and supporting the social interaction of autistic children and young people - Newcastle Hospitals NHS Foundation Trust. (2023, November 22). Newcastle Hospitals NHS Foundation Trust. https://www.newcastlehospitals.nhs.uk/resources/understanding-and-supporting- the-social-interaction-of-autistic-children-and-young-people/
Comments